Raising Fearless Girls: The Art of Scaffolding

Co-Authored with Dr Emma Hill, Educational Psychologist at ELLES Psychology

There’s a concept that teachers swear by but most parents haven’t heard of, and it might just change the way you support your kids.

It’s called scaffolding.

Think of it as temporary support that you build around your child; strong enough to help her reach new heights, but designed to come down as she grows steady on her own. This idea sits right in the middle of one of the trickiest parts of parenting: knowing when to help and when to hold back.

So, what exactly is scaffolding?

Scaffolding comes from educational psychology – specifically, Lev Vygotsky’s ‘Zone of Proximal Development’, which describes the sweet spot between what a child can already do and what they could do with a bit of support.

When parents scaffold well, children build independence, resilience and confidence. When we get it wrong (and we all do), we either jump in too soon – accidentally robbing them of that all-important ‘productive struggle’ – or we stand back too far and then they flounder.

Some classic traps parents fall into:

• Doing tasks for their kids because it’s quicker/easier/cleaner (we all know the torture of watching a child try to open a cereal box or peel the back off a sticker!).

• Offering vague praise (‘Keep going!’) instead of useful guidance.

• Holding onto routines long after the child is ready to take over.

• Pushing too hard for independence before the groundwork’s laid.

• Micromanaging under the banner of ‘helping’ (this one hit hard for us personally).

Why scaffolding matters for girls aged 8–12

This is the age when many girls start second-guessing themselves. They may be bright, funny and endlessly curious, but also cautious, self-critical or worried about ‘getting it wrong’.

Scaffolding gives them structure and courage. It tells them: You don’t have to know everything yet. You just need to try and I’ll be here until you’ve got it. But I believe you can do it.

Research backs this up. Studies from the Bell Foundation and Education Endowment Foundation show that scaffolded learning – using prompts, models and step-by-step guidance – improves confidence and independent problem-solving. In the classroom, it helps pupils take risks and think for themselves. At home, it helps girls practise that same bravery in everyday life.

The trick: just enough help, for just long enough.

Parenting researcher Rachel Carrell calls scaffolding “the single most important concept in education that parents don’t know about.” And she’s right. The fix is surprisingly simple:

• Offer just enough help so your child succeeds with effort.

• Gradually reduce that help as she grows more capable.

• Keep adjusting – what she needs today won’t be what she needs next month.

Real-life scaffolding in action

Homework: Instead of ‘For the love of God, please just get it done’, start by offering a bit of encouragement – a calm check-in, a reminder that she can handle it. Stay nearby for moral (and practical) support if needed, but resist the urge to hover or hurry her pace. Once she’s started, step back and let her find her own rhythm with you nearby if needed.

Friendships: When she’s upset about a fallout, try asking, ‘What do you think you want to say?’ rather than telling her what she should/could do. Offer words if she’s stuck, then fade out as she finds her own. (We have a great blog on dealing with friendship fires that goes into a lot more detail.)

New hobbies: If she’s learning something new, help her set a small goal she can reach this week. The aim is steady progress, not perfection. Then leave her alone to work towards it.

Life admin: Let her pack her own school bag and remember what she needs for the day, but do a quick visual check together until she’s reliably remembering the water bottle!

“Scaffolding is a brilliant way to help girls stretch just beyond what they can already do – with the right support in place,” says Dr Emma Hill, Educational Psychologist. “Fearless Girls Club use it as part of a wider toolkit across their clubs and subscription boxes, giving girls gentle but challenging structure while helping parents feel confident supporting them at home. It is simply a must for our pre-teen girls, who are at such a critical stage in their social and emotional development – a small shift in how we support and motivate can make a big difference in how girls build confidence and resilience.”

The sweet spot

Good scaffolding feels almost invisible. It’s not about ‘doing it right’ –  it’s about sensing when to tighten the support, when to loosen it and when to quietly let go. Think of it like bike stabilisers – they start off with both firmly attached and you close by, then gradually lift away as she finds her balance and realises she can keep going on her own. And then they come off entirely and she’s away!

You’ll know it’s working when she starts saying ‘I’ve got it’ and you realise – she really does.