7 Ways To Help Your Daughter Navigate Friendship Fires

I think we’d all agree that friendships in the tween years can be both magical and messy. Misunderstandings, disagreements and being deliberately left out are all common but heartbreaking to witness as a parent – and it’s tricky for us to know when to step in or let girls work things out themselves. It’s why we include ‘Friendships’ as a specific Club Quest topic, so we’re laying the groundwork for healthy friendships in our clubs and through our subscription boxes. While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, research and experience point to several solid strategies that can help tweens deal with friendship fires and recognise and nurture positive friendships.

1. Listen and Reflect

Sometimes the best support is simply being there to listen (and resisting every urge in your body to say something!) Reflective listening – repeating back what she’s feeling in your own words – can help her process emotions and make sense of her reactions. As adolescent psychotherapist Kate Hurley notes, "When feelings are accepted, it's fortifying, validating and boosts self-esteem, which gives girls the confidence to stand up for themselves."

2. Explore Friendship Dynamics

Talking about what makes friendships healthy – trust, respect, kindness and mutual support – helps girls recognise positive and negative patterns. As experts suggest, explicitly teaching your daughter to think about what compassion, kindness and empathy look like in a friend helps her recognise what it means to be a good friend herself. It also makes it easier to spot people who aren’t being genuine in their actions and intentions, and paves the way for future conversations about acceptable behaviour and consent in romantic relationships.

3. Encourage Social Exploration

Trying new activities or joining different groups gives girls a chance to meet new people and expand their friendship groups. Also – encouraging participation in new activities or clubs can help your child find things they can feel good about, boosting their confidence, which is a key ingredient to making new friends.

4. Model Healthy Conflict Resolution

Tweens learn how to handle disagreements by watching adults and peers. As author and school counsellor Signe Whitson writes, “I am all about teaching girls that it is okay to feel sad or hurt or angry and it is a good thing to talk about their emotions with others. Yet when it comes to facing off with a frenemy, my best advice is to teach young girls how to show resolute strength.”

Resolute strength just means being firm, confident and steady in how you handle challenges – without being aggressive or reactive. Parents can model resolute strength by staying calm in tense situations, setting clear boundaries and responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. (We know – easier said than done! We’re both definitely still a work in progress on this one…)

5. Keep Communication Open

Keeping communication open is about creating the everyday conditions where conversation can happen naturally. Sometimes the best way to support your daughter is simply to be consistently available – sharing normal everyday moments like walking home, making dinner or doing small tasks together creates a natural space for conversation. You don’t need to ask specific questions or give advice; just being approachable and present shows her she can bring up friendships or feelings when she’s ready.

6. Keep Building Social Confidence

Social confidence is the belief in your ability to interact with others effectively and comfortably. Friendship can often feel uncertain, and it’s normal for your daughter to doubt herself sometimes. Small, everyday opportunities – like speaking up in a group, offering to help a friend or trying something new with peers – can help her practise handling social situations and build social confidence. Activities in our club sessions and subscription boxes provide gentle ways for girls to explore these skills in a safe, supportive environment.

7. Accept That Friendships Can Ebb and Flow

Not every friendship lasts forever, and that’s perfectly normal. Encourage your daughter to see that friendships naturally change – some grow stronger, some drift apart – and this isn’t a reflection on her worth, or theirs. As child psychologist Dr Michael Thompson explains: “Friendships in adolescence are naturally fluid. Experiencing ups and downs teaches kids how to manage relationships, negotiate boundaries and develop social confidence.” 

Friendship challenges are a normal part of growing up, but they’re also opportunities to develop empathy, communication and confidence. Subtle guidance, reflection and space to try things out can help your daughter navigate this tricky terrain a bit more easily. We’re all working it out together, and you and your daughter are not alone on this journey.