What Is Self-Talk and Why Does It Matter?

Co-Authored with Dr Emma Hill, Educational Psychologist at ELLES Psychology

Plus: A Free Parent and Child Affirmations Printable!

We talk a lot about self-talk. It’s one of the core tools we use in our after-school clubs and subscription boxes, especially through affirmations. But what exactly is self-talk, and why is it so important?

Self-talk is the voice inside your head. It’s what you say to yourself, about yourself, every day. Over time, this inner commentary becomes your reality. It shapes confidence, decision-making and how you respond to setbacks.

Our girls are forming their inner voice right now and much of it is based on what they hear and experience at home. If we want our children to grow up with self-belief and resilience, one of the best things we can do is model compassionate, balanced self-talk ourselves. It isn’t always easy, but it is one of the simplest and most powerful ways we can encourage healthy behaviour in our kids.

The Science of Self-Talk

Research in psychology and neuroscience shows that self-talk has a measurable impact on how we think and feel. It can lower stress levels, support better problem-solving and even improve physical performance.

A 2016 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that practicing affirmations activates areas of the brain linked to self-worth and emotional regulation. And studies in child development show that children who hear supportive self-talk from adults are more likely to develop coping skills, empathy and emotional resilience. Brilliant, right? What does it actually look like in our day-to-day lives?

Noticing Your Inner Voice

Before you can model helpful self-talk, it helps to notice your own. Think about when you might catch sight of yourself in a mirror or a shop window as you’re walking past?  Do you immediately zero in on something you dislike about your appearance? That’s self-talk in action. And you don’t have to accept it as the truth.

When you hear your inner voice being critical (‘Good God, do I really look like that? I’m so old, I have a hunchback, my hair is a mess…’) you can cut it dead in its tracks and reframe what you’re saying to yourself. In this instance, something like ‘I’m enough and I don’t need to be perfect’. If you’re unsure whether you’re being critical it can help to think, ‘Would I say this to a friend or loved one?’ If you wouldn’t, then try not to say it to yourself! Your feelings are just as sensitive, and important, as your loved ones. Obviously, this can all feel really awkward and slightly bonkers at first – in fact, the more the idea of this makes you want to crawl into a hole, the more your self-talk really needs a shake-up.

"The more often you train your self-talk to focus on the positive and to be gentle with yourself, the easier it becomes to speak to yourself with the same care you show your child. And the better can help our kids learn to do the same." Says Dr Emma Hill.

The Power of Affirmations in Reframing Self-Talk

How often have you heard your child say ‘I hate myself’ or ‘I’m so stupid’? That’s their self-talk. And they can change it with your help. In our club sessions and subscription boxes, a super simple way we counteract critical self-talk is using affirmations. They help the girls notice their inner voice and shape it into something strong and supportive. And they’re so simple to work into your everyday routine as a powerful tool in your self-talk arsenal. In fact, you can even do them with your children.

We’ve created a free printable of shared affirmations you and your child can say together – simple, meaningful phrases to build confidence and self-worth. You could print and stick them to the mirror or front door as visual reminders of your affirmations, to say on your own or with your children, while getting reading or as you’re leaving your house to start your day. They might feel odd and uncomfortable at first, but that’s a positive sign that you need them. Have a go and let us know how you get on!

👉 Download your FREE parent and child affirmation card here: