5 Ways to Boost Your Daughter’s Confidence

Plus: A Free Confidence-Boosting Printable!

As parents, we want to see our kids believe in themselves, have the courage to pursue what truly makes them happy and, fundamentally, like who they are. But confidence and self-esteem aren’t things we’re born with, nor are they things you can ever fully ‘achieve’ – ‘Great, I feel pretty good about myself and brave enough to go fourth into the world and conquer so I’ll just tick off ‘be confident’ from my to-do list’. They’re skills you learn and build up over time, and, just like anything that’s built, it can get knocked down and need rebuilding too. That’s why actively supporting your child’s ability to learn the art of confidence will help set them up for life – through love, encouragement, challenge and a bit of repair work after a knock, we can teach them how to like themselves (because that’s the foundation for a confident mindset) and how to pick themselves up with positivity and purpose when things get hard.

Whether your daughter is having friendship problems, doubting her abilities, feeling down on herself or navigating hormonal changes, there are powerful (and simple!) ways you can nurture her self-belief and resilience.

Here are five ways to help boost your daughter’s confidence:

1. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

There’s a frustrating focus on worshipping achievement in our society – we correlate a person’s value with what they do, not who they are. But true confidence comes from recognising and celebrating all the hard graft, failure and screaming into a pillow (just us?) that comes before the results. In reality, sometimes the achievement isn’t even achieved! But does that mean the whole thing was a waste of time and we’re terrible humans who can’t do great things? Nope! The blood, sweat and tears are the true achievement, the grit and determination to keep trying. So whether she’s practicing a new physical skill, learning lines for assembly or trying out a new club – it’s so important to celebrate the effort. Let her know that trying, failing, learning and trying again is what real confidence is built on. (And remind yourself of that too – we’re not infallible as parents and being a confident adult is bloomin’ hard too.)

Try saying: “I’m so proud of how hard you worked!” or “You didn’t give up – that’s real courage!”

2. Encourage Her to Try New Things (Even If She’s Nervous)

New experiences help stretch her comfort zone into challenging but safe territory. From joining a new club to speaking up in class, each time she says ‘yes’ to something a little scary, she proves to herself she’s braver than she thinks.

Let her know it’s normal and okay to feel unsure – everyone feels like that sometimes. Courage usually starts with nervous wobbles. Remind her of when she was nervous about trying something new before and how she boldly gave it a go. You could even tell her about a time you felt nervous about trying something new and what you learned from that. Bottom line – we’re the cheerleader on the sideline that’s full of encouragement when they look over from the field.

3. Let Her Solve Problems (Even If It’s Messy!)

When we jump in to fix things too quickly, we accidentally send the message that we think she can’t handle it. Even when it’s excruciating to watch and every fibre of your being wants to scream ‘Oh my God, just let me do it!’ it’s so important to give her the space to figure things out, make decisions and bounce back when things go wrong. Constant mini independent ‘wins’ build big belief. 

4. Talk About Confidence Like a Muscle

Let her know that confidence isn’t something you are, it’s something you grow. Just like learning to swim or do cartwheels, it takes time and practice.

Some days it will feel strong, and other days wobbly, and that’s okay! This helps take the pressure off being ‘always confident’ and instead focuses on building confidence one brave moment at a time.

5. Be the Role Model She Can Look Up To

Your daughter is always watching how you speak about yourself and the world around you. Show her what it looks like to take up space, speak kindly to yourself and bounce back from mistakes. We have both had to consciously bite our tongues lots of times when we’ve wanted to say something self-depracating, especially around important topics like food and body image where women are so used to negative self-talk. But we know that when you model self-belief and, crucially, self-compassion, you give her permission to do the same. In fact, this might be the single most important thing we can do for them.

Raising a confident girl doesn’t mean she’ll never feel shy, scared or unsure but it does mean she’ll have the tools to believe in herself, even on the hard days. And that’s what it’s all about.

FREE DOWNLOAD: The Confidence Boost Card

To make it even easier to supercharge your daughter’s confidence, we’ve created a free printable you can stick on the fridge or even pop in her lunchbox.

Download your Pocket Confidence Boost card here: