Helping Girls Handle Big Feelings: What Emotional Regulation Really Means

“Feelings don’t overwhelm kids. Feeling alone with their feelings overwhelms kids.”

This quote from clinical psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy, shared in The Science of Well-Being for Parents course by Yale’s Dr Laurie Santos, really struck a chord with us.

As parents, we often want to make things better. But true emotional resilience doesn’t come from avoiding big feelings. It comes from learning how to feel them and, crucially, knowing you’re not alone while you do.

What Is Emotional Regulation and Why Does It Matter?

Emotional regulation is a child’s ability to manage their emotional responses in healthy, age-appropriate ways. This doesn’t mean always staying calm or never crying, it means learning to ride the wave of emotions without shutting down or lashing out. 

According to Dr Kennedy, learning how to regulate emotions is essential for happiness in later life. So if our goal is to raise happy kids, we have to be willing to sit with them in sadness, anger, jealousy, frustration, whatever difficult feelings they might be flooded with – without rushing to fix it.

Simple Phrases That Make a Big Difference

When your child is struggling with a big emotion, Dr Kennedy suggests trying one of these grounding, validating responses:

• “I’m so glad you’re talking to me about this.”

• “I believe you.”

• “Tell me more.”

These phrases (and others like them) show your child they’re safe, believed and not alone. They also model how to approach hard feelings with curiosity rather than fear.

Tips for Building Emotional Regulation at Home

• Name the feeling: Help your child identify what they’re feeling. “That sounds frustrating” can go a long way.

• Be a calm presence: Your regulation helps theirs. Show them the feeling won’t defeat you, or them.

• Don’t rush to solve: Sitting in the feeling is often more powerful than solving it even though it feels awfully uncomfortable and every part of your being will likely want to step into ‘save and protect’ mode. Dr Kennedy says to imagine your child is sitting on a bench with their big feeling and your job is to sit next to them, not pick them up and run away!

• Normalise it: “Everyone feels like this sometimes” reduces shame and overwhelm. You could also share a time when you felt a similar way.

How We Support Emotional Regulation at Fearless Girls Club

In our after-school clubs and subscription boxes, emotional regulation is woven into everything we do. From Club Quest activities that explore big feelings to practical tips and tools for managing overwhelm, we’re helping girls build the language, tools and confidence to feel their feelings – without fear. Because building small but mighty regulation habits paves the way for lifelong emotional strength and, ultimately, makes us all happier. And fundamentally, we all just want our kids to be happy – this is how we can help them do it.