Big Feelings and the Christmas Holidays: A Survival Framework for Parents

The Christmas holidays can be brilliant but are also completely unhinged. Excitement, sugar, late nights, people (SO many people), disrupted routines and nowhere to be by 9am is a potent mix. Big feelings in our tween girls are not a failure of parenting or personality, they’re a predictable response to chaos.

This is the evidence-based framework we use when things start to unravel in our houses.

1. Sleep matters more than Christmas spirit

You do not need a perfect bedtime, but you do need a latest acceptable one. When sleep goes, emotional regulation goes with it. A dull, predictable wind-down and fewer screens late in the evening will save you time and arguments the next day.

2. Give the day a spine

Holidays feel endless to kids. A loose structure helps: one thing that gets them moving, one quiet activity and one small useful job. Nothing fancy. Walk, craft, help with dinner. It stops the day dissolving into screen-based negotiations and gives it a structure without a routine.

3. Feed first, problem-solve later

Many meltdowns are hunger, thirst or both. Christmas throws things out of routine and loosens the reins on eating habits (anyone else’s kids scoff their advent chocolate before breakfast?). Regular meals and snacks, especially before leaving the house or seeing family, help keep moods on an even keel – for all of us!

4. Use fewer words when emotions rise

When your child is overwhelmed, long explanations will not land. Stay calm, stay close, speak less. This is not about letting behaviour slide, it is about getting them back to a place where thinking is possible.

5. Acknowledge the feeling, keep the boundary

“You’re annoyed. That makes sense.” Then: “You still can’t shout at people.” Clear, calm and boring works better than lectures or bargaining.

6. Teach one calm-down tool and stick with it

Finger breathing is simple and effective if you don’t already have a go-to technique. Trace up a finger breathing in, trace down breathing out. Practise when things are fine, otherwise it will be rejected at speed when they are not.

7. Plan for the bits that always go wrong

Family gatherings, long car journeys and sudden plan changes are known danger zones. Agree on breaks, signals or exit plans in advance. Knowing there is an option often prevents a full-scale implosion.

8. Repair beats perfection

You will lose your patience at some point. Everyone does. Coming back to say “I got that wrong” teaches accountability and models how to reset after a wobble.

The Christmas holidays are loud, long and unpredictable. Big feelings are part of the package. Having a simple framework does not make it calm, but it does make it manageable. And sometimes, that is more than enough.